He didn’t break my heart.
I broke my heart..
when I expected more than he could give;
when I expected to be more to him than what I am.
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.”
This is craziness.
I feel unbalanced, and I’m upset.
Logically, I know I’m being silly and pretty stupid in feeling so anxious.
Something so trivial as a phone refusing to charge has got me pacing the confines of my mind; constantly dwelling on him because I know I can’t talk to him.
I hate how out of control love makes me. I hate that right now I can tell I won’t do well if anything ever happens to him. I hate that he’s probably happily playing a video game and completely unaware of me while I’m super aware of him.
I don’t lean on anyone like I do him. I wake up and I go to bed and my thoughts are often about him. It’s ridiculous. I’m being ridiculous.
Why can’t I reason my way out of these feelings? I’m tired of living with them and knowing they’ll never be reciprocated.
At the oddest moments I find myself thinking, “I love you.”
I wish I could say it out loud and that you’d believe me.